From Reaction to Connection

Gault, Ann M (0:06)

Good evening, everyone, and welcome to our October CARE Parent Workshop, From Reaction to Connection, Trauma-Informed Approaches for Supporting Children and Families. We're glad you could join us. Before we begin, please note that this presentation is being recorded and transcribed.

Gault, Ann M (0:25)

If you would like to request ADA compliant materials, please e-mail SBCAREPATIENTREFERRALS at stonybrookmedicine.edu. We'll have time for questions at the end of the presentation, so please submit them through the Q&A chat as they come to mind. It's now my pleasure to introduce our presenter.

Gault, Ann M (0:44)

Carolyn Ryan, MA, a Behavioral Health Specialist Coordinator at Stony Brook Medicine. Carolyn brings more than a decade of experience in crisis intervention and psychotherapy. She uses trauma-informed and creative approaches to help children, adolescents, adults, and families develop emotional awareness build resilience, and strengthen healthy coping skills. She is particularly passionate about early intervention and helping families address emotional and behavioral concerns before they become more significant challenges. Please join me in welcoming Carolyn Ryan. Carolyn.

Gault, Ann M (1:25)

Thank you for being here.

Ryan, Carolyn T (1:28)

Welcome, everyone. And we're going to jump right into it. You know, I want to start and thank you for everyone for being here. Okay. So what we're going to focus on today, right? From reaction to connection. I want to make sure that everyone knows that this is not an intention to have any type of parenting scorecard, right? We know how difficult being a parent can be. So this is by no means that, but rather we're here to build practical ways to support. Support children through hard moments while maintaining safety, boundaries, and connection. No parent responds perfectly at every time. We're all human as well, right? So the goal is to notice more, react less automatically, and have a few strategies to try.

Ryan, Carolyn T (2:14)

So for today's goals, we want to understand how stress may affect behavior, respond with more predictable and supportive strategies, and connect before or after difficult moments. I want you all to keep one question in mind throughout. What might my child be communicating and what could help them right now in this moment?

Ryan, Carolyn T (2:35)

Trauma-informed parenting is not permissive parenting. Safety and limits still matter, which we will go through today as well.

Ryan, Carolyn T (3:33)

Sometimes you'll have a child who's right and angelic in school, but then they come home and they engaging in behaviors that they wouldn't use in school. So just having that kind of clear cut consistency rules and expectations across the board is also, again, creating more consistency for the child and gives them more room to maintain their behavior and behavioral control.

Ryan, Carolyn T (3:58)

So here's another example of that, right? The home school health care, right? We're here speaking about it as one team. So you want to see, because again, you can see very different parts. So your teachers may give you some observations they see and they're completely different from what you're seeing at home. And it's important to talk about that. It's important to have, you know, share these concrete observations across the board. Because children are in school, K through 12, the majority, sometimes they see their teachers, coaches more than they might see you by the time they get home from school or after school activity and go to bed. 

So it's important to make sure that these are, you know, shared and to not have any shame because at the end of the day, the consistency is what's going to create this practical better outcome for somebody to be able to connect and recover faster. So you know, what helps this child feel safe enough to learn, to connect and recover? And maybe there's something that can be tweaked between school, the routine there, or maybe even at home. 

So this is another video that I'm going to show that's a nice little clip based on finding strengths. So I'm just going to play it here. Hopefully you guys can see this.

Gault, Ann M (43:06)

Video is over. 

RT Ryan, Carolyn T (43:06)

So this is right. So I played this just so that you guys can try to see looking at the behavior that sometimes can frustrate you and notice that there could be potentially a strength underneath it. \

So persistence, for example, could look like stubbornness. Sensitivity might look like overreacting. Independence might look like resistance. Strengths do not remove, again, that need for limit, but naming the effort kindness, curiosity, creativity, honesty, and persistence is important for the growing child. It's just a little video to kind of highlight that. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (43:41) 

So here I have a parents regulation toolkit. So these are some tools, right, that not only can fit your child, but also yourself. And again, not every tool has to work. My biggest thing is in teaching these some of these skills is just making sure that you're doing it more than one time, right? So for example, the box breathing, inhaling 4 seconds, holding 7 seconds, and exhaling for 8 seconds. When people say breathing doesn't work, usually it's because they've only tried it one time or in one scenario, right? Or maybe they're not practicing it in tandem, you know, enough. Because the one thing with breathing, and the reason I highlight that is you always have your breath, regardless of where you are. So if you can control your breathing, you know, the physiologically things change within your body. So I like to kind of teach to both parents and you know, you can also do this with your child, some of these coping mechanisms that tap into the physiological state of the body as well. So for example, that sensory reset that's listed here using temperature. So if you drink water, the reason why water is often offered if somebody is in, you know, maybe hyperventilating or having a difficult time or becoming emotional is because water actually can reduce the cortisol that's within your body. So which is the stress hormone. So water, cool temperature.

Ryan, Carolyn T (45:05)

We teach the tip skill, which is temperature in intense exercise, progressive muscle relaxation techniques, and paced breathing. The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is another one that taps into your senses. So the same way that your senses can be the thing that trigger you the most can also be the thing that helps reset you the fastest. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (45:30)

So when you think of five, 4, three, two, one, what I mean by that is utilizing your senses. So 5 things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can smell, two things you can touch, one thing you can taste. Again, the movement. Movement is super effective with teaching intense exercise. Sometimes with children, I'll just do like chicken wing and they'll flail really quickly. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (45:55)

Again, these are all things that tie into your physiological system and your biology that will actually help you to regulate. So connection is also, you want to be able to sit nearby. What I mean by that is having a level of understanding of the importance of proximity. So when speaking to your child, and maybe in the moment, if they're still, you know, escalated, they need a certain amount of space, right? And they're vocalizing that. You want to honor that. But you also don't want to be having difficult conversations from across the room. You want to try to increase, you say, like arm's length, proximity, if possible, and if the child is in safe manner to be able to do that. And then again, creating this sense of predictable routine, not only for yourself, but for your child to be able to help the regulation. So these are just the skills and, you know, utilize more than one. Try to engage with the child if they forget it. A lot of the time, if they're emotional, if you have an understanding and you're in a calm state and regulated, then help them co-regulate by using some of these techniques. 

Ryan, Carolyn T  (47:01)

So when should a parent reach out for more support? So I want to highlight here that you never have to wait for a crisis to be in existence to reach out for support. So when I speak about, you know, early intervention or proactive management, it's super important because it's difficult.

Ryan, Carolyn T (47:23)

When somebody is already so escalated that they're in crisis, it's more, it takes much longer amount of time to get them down to a place where there is teachable or where it is safe for them to have intervention. So you want to reach out whenever you notice symptoms are persistent or if they escalate. The other thing is if they're interfering, interfering with your child's daily life or affecting things like sleep or eating, like nutrition, it's important to kind of be able to reach out for support sooner than later so that doesn't develop into a more dangerous hazardous condition for the child. And of course, if there's immediate danger, you want to prioritize safety and emergency help. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (48:06)

But just the recognition of patterns and noticing things escalate more, ask for support. Don't be ashamed to reach out. Ryan, Carolyn T 48 minutes 15 seconds So where do you want to start? So these are just some few places, you know, if their child has a school counselor or social worker or psychologist, definitely having conversations with them, especially if these are behaviors that maybe they're not seeing in school, but they're seeing, you're seeing at home consistently. A lot of the time people will utilize their pediatrician to be able to engage with the child in a different capacity to be able to start there. Of course, if there's immediate danger, you always call 911 or the text hotline, which has, you know, a great impact for mental health, you know, the increases of awareness for mental health over the previous years. And then DASH, for those of you who are not familiar with the crisis center in Hauppague, which is open 24-7, and I have the number listed there.

So these are just a few places that you could start. And then I also created a mental health resource library that all the links should be embedded here for you guys to be able to utilize. Because I feel like a lot of the time, you know, as a therapist, what I hear from parents is they don't know where to start or they don't know where to look or, you know, a lot of it is parent psychoeducation on how do I support my child or what could there be more that I could be doing? And I think that's why even with the CARES initiative being, you know, involved in the schools can help with that jump to give some resources. But I just added additional parent education and support. 

There's also a ton of  parent groups that are free, you know, that are offered through NAMI and other supports because when someone is in crisis or even with behaviors or any level of trauma or anything that your child may be going through, it's difficult for the parent to also to reach out for help for themselves. And there's no you know, indicator of you failing as a parent if your child is struggling with something. And a lot of these support groups across the island are great because they're family run, they're parent run. So it creates a peer dynamic. I know that's confidential for you guys as well. So please utilize the resources as much as needed. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (50:31) 

And that is it. Are there any questions? 

McGlone, Ashlee Nicole (50:37)

Thank you to those of you who stuck through it with our technical difficulties. And thank you, Carolyn, for going with it. If anyone has any questions, you can go ahead and type them into the Q&A chat box.

Gault, Ann M (50:37) 

What a wonderful

Ryan, Carolyn T (50:42)

Yes. No problem.

McGlone, Ashlee Nicole (51:07)

Carolyn, thank you so much for sharing all this information with us. 

Ryan, Carolyn T (51:09)

Welcome. Of course, of course. 

McGlone, Ashlee Nicole (51:14)

Thanks for those of you who attended. Have a good evening.